Q: How do we make love stay in our intimate relationships? How do we keep them fresh and expansive? What is the key to a long-lasting intimate relationship full of joy and love?

A: Ah, yes, the great conundrum of the human experience, is it not? Always “looking for love” you are, and always with such hope and expectation. When you find it, you are “over the moon”, as you say. But, sadly, that feeling does not last for many of you. Many experience a certain “death” of the spark you feel on the day your love for one another is kindled, or of the great flame that it may grow into. For many, your attraction dwindles from a raging bonfire to a simple flame, or to embers, or to a smoldering pile of ash. Indeed, why?

The Essence of Attraction

It’s rather simple, but not necessarily easy for you. It’s simple in that you are talking about the coming together of two like vibrations that have typically contracted with one another prior to incarnating. The contract states that you will seek each other in the physical. Two like vibrations that in their physiology are “wired” to also be opposites—enough to attract one to another. This is the pull of the masculine and feminine energy. It does not mean male and female. As most of you know, many men have a stronger balance of feminine energy than masculine, and many women have a stronger balance of masculine than feminine. This is by design in these times. But the point is that typically in your intimate relationships, it is the pull of the masculine and feminine energy that attract one to another, like magnets do.

Is it any wonder that you use language like “magnetism” to describe that initial spark you feel upon first meeting your beloved? Is it coincidence that you say things like “opposites attract”? Of course not. It is simply natural law, which also shows up in the physical human body as masculine and feminine energy. You tend to speak of these energies without even really knowing what you are talking about. Or, rather, you have a surface-level knowledge of them. You associate certain behaviors with one or the other. So, when you observe those behaviors in another, you say that he or she is a strong masculine or a strong feminine. But as with so many things human, you don’t really know what you’re talking about. These energies run much deeper than you think and include elements like the experience and memories from many lifetimes, which dwell in your Akash, and which you carry in the cellular structure of your body. Truly, you are indeed magnets that draw one to another.

There are also other things at play in your attraction to your beloved, such as agreements you made before entering the physical to find each other and serve as each other’s teachers. Usually you have sojourned together many lifetimes on this planet and others in various forms of relationship. That’s why only certain potential partners will do. If it were all just about magnetism, anybody would suffice because you can feel the attraction of masculine to feminine with anyone with whom you experience that polarity, and there are many who qualify. But you all keep searching for “the one” because you know at a cellular level whether the attraction is just masculine and feminine attraction, or whether there is a deeper soul connection. That soul connection is what you long for because it has the potential to lead you into Divine Love.

Discovering Divine Love

So, let’s talk about Divine Love. Your question really is, “How do we make Divine Love stay?” That’s the heart of the conundrum. Why? Because many of you are not aware on a conscious level that this is what you seek. To prove our point, take a moment to think about the following statement. Say it out loud a few times and really feel into the words as you say them.

“I am the Divine Love of God, fully manifest in my wonderful physical body. I love myself beyond measure.”

How does that feel? Probably pretty good, but does it feel like your Truth? In other words, do you believe it? Say it again a few times. Sit and meditate on it a while. Then come back to the question: Is it your Truth?

If you’re being honest, the answer for many of you will be, “No”. Why? Because you simply don’t believe it. It actually is objective, undeniable, DIVINE TRUTH. Even so, it may not be your personal Truth. Your personal Truth likely has to do more with your family history, your education, your home, your pastimes, your religious beliefs, your taste in music, your favorite TV shows, your sports teams, etc. These are very often the things that define you the most. And so, when you enter into intimate relationship with one another, you often make these things the focus of your existence together. They’re even the basis of how you try to find one another. “We have so much in common,” you say delightedly. And you do.

But, and here’s the important point, you have much more in common than you even know. You have the Divine Love of God and a soul connection across the ages. You have a Divine contract to be present to each other, once again, TO HELP EACH OTHER DISCOVER GOD INSIDE. That’s why you are together. That’s all any of this is about.

The shared interests are part of that because they provide a means for you to connect with each other initially—such as through friends who know you and think, “I bet those two would really hit it off.” Or through careers that bring you onto a collision course at some point. Or through an online dating site. All these things are tools that the benevolent Universe uses to bring you together, and it could not happen if you didn’t like some of the same things or have similar life experiences.

Also, these experiences and interests provide a backdrop to the daily business of living, giving you a means to relate to one another and work the puzzle of life together. But where so many of you run into difficulty is that you then make your relationship primarily about these things. That can last for a while. But for most of you, at some point the shared interests will start to become unfulfilling, and the flame will start to diminish. This is because you know at the soul level that you have a larger purpose together. Again, that purpose is TO HELP EACH OTHER DISCOVER GOD INSIDE. When you know that this is what you agreed to, but you are not consciously engaged in doing it—that is when your shared interests and activities become “going through the motions”, as you say. That’s when some of you will start to seek the spark again in another. Others among you will decide to just go through the motions until you die because you made a vow.

Till Death Do We Part?

Now, before we discuss how you help each other discover God inside, let us point out that not every intimate relationship that results in a shared commitment is intended to be “till death do we part”. That is a human belief and construct. Many will have more than one committed relationship that represents a soul contract, and that is OK. God does not judge either scenario to be preferable to another. Sometimes you enter into a committed relationship knowing at a soul level that it will not last. That is also by design. Sometimes the ending of the relationship is the catalyst to deeper awakening to who you really are. Sometimes the contract is about being each other’s teachers through the ending of the relationship, or through a shift in the relationship (such as couples who divorce but both maintain active roles in the children’s lives). Many of you still think that if you commit and the relationship ends, that somehow you have failed in the eyes of God—even that you have sinned. Drop that belief, please. That is not how God sees it. You have God-given free will to choose at any time. God does not judge or punish you—especially when you decide to end a relationship that you feel at a soul level no longer serves your growth.

Making Divine Love Stay

So, then, as the poets have often asked, how do you make love stay? First, be open to the possibility that it might not stay. Does that surprise you? Of course, when you commit to one another, you aren’t thinking, “This could end someday.” You make the commitment because you feel that it will last forever, and you want it to. But if you are basing this belief on anything less than your desire to find God in you and help your beloved find God in them, it does have the potential to end. Know that and be OK with it. That does not mean constantly being on the watch for it or worrying about it. It just means putting your awakening to the Divine Love that you both are first, and all else second. If there comes a time when you can no longer fulfill those roles for each other and somebody else can, then it is for the highest good of all that you move on.

Second, amplify Divine Love in each other all the time by thinking, speaking, and acting in ways that are in alignment with Divine Love. What does that look like?

1. Patience. You will do many things differently from your beloved, based on your different histories and beliefs. Many have a tendency to get irritated with their beloved because they think, speak, or act in different ways at times. So what? Ask yourself how important that is to you if you really are the Divine Love of God. Does God care? If not, why should you?
2. Compassion. You will both make mistakes. You will both have moments you will regret. You will at times experience lower-vibration emotions, like fear, anger judgment, and sadness. When one experiences these emotions, the other may get triggered and respond in kind. Would God do that? No. He/She would say, “Ah, my beloved, you are Divine Love. That is all I see in you. And you will know it again soon. For now let me flow more of that love to you.” In this way, you are amplifying your own vibration, and that of your beloved. You are tuning to the frequency of Divine Love—your True Nature.
3. Forgiveness. Whatever it is you are making more important than Divine Love, let it go. Forgive and move on. Don’t keep negativity alive. It is toxic and will corrode your foundation of love. Of course, if your beloved’s words or actions cross a significant personal boundary with you that leads you AT A HEART LEVEL (not in the mind) to exit the relationship, then do so. But forgive nonetheless.

This is, of course, not new information for most of you. You’ve heard it all before. But you don’t practice it. You develop all sorts of stories about why you should think or behave this way or that in your relationships. You practice what the media presents, what your parents modeled, or what your friends say is “correct”. You make it all so complicated and confusing.

But it really is very simple. You are attracted to each other by design. Your over-arching goal is to help each other discover God inside. You do this by modeling the attributes of Divine Love: patience, compassion, and forgiveness. Strive to do this in every interaction you have with your beloved. Know that it may be challenging at times, and yet this is still your goal. One of two things will happen: 1. You will evolve more deeply into awakening of Divine Love together, amplifying it in and reflecting it back to each other, or 2. One of you will evolve beyond the other and will find yourself at choice about whether to seek another relationship that is a better vibrational match and more capable of helping you evolve further. If that happens, know that this soul is looking for you, too. If you exit the relationship, do so with integrity, and honor what you learned through it. Know that the Universe always has contingency plans for you, and they never involve suffering.

We wish you blessings on your journey.

 

 

Image credit: Alexas Fotos